the skyscrapers look like gravestones from out here
by fields of dead daisies
Summary: "I understand and don't care, cuz the skyscrapers look like gravestones from out here, yeah." (au. cato/cove. oneshot.)


** I have no idea what the fuck this is but have at it. though cato's eyes. title from a kickass song called Diab Soule. listen to it.  
**

I'm not a bad person.

last year I knifed a boy behind my school but I swear I didn't mean it. I didn't fucking mean it. It just slipped out, like a nickle from my pocket, a secret from my lips, then there was blood fucking everywhere and this giant tape worm in my mind screaming and pulsating.

I just don't breathe so good sometimes. I'm ok though. I'm ok, I promise.

{

you should have tripped with me that time. It would've been mad cool to transcend space-time with you.

You brought it up in the first place, when we were talking in class and we didn't really know each other but you told me that you wanted to open your mind because no one really knows shit when their consciousness is in the way. you said you were bored, so bored of everything. And I could in your eyes how you were moving at light speed, how you needed to be free and you were gonna fucking die inside your own head.

I just kinda smiled and shook my head, because you had no fucking clue. There's a reason we forget most of our dreams when we wake up.

something about you captivated me though, I liked you a lot. And besides, you were to beautiful to say no to. Meet me after last period. we'll go to the park.

But then last period ended and you told me you had to be home because your mom needed you to do something. You wanted to, you did you told me, but you couldn't and you were sorry. some other time? yeah? ok cool. see you around.

Now I know your mom doesn't give a fuck about anything.

you were scared. scared of what you would find. scared of what you wouldn't.

you never told me your name. then again I never told you mine.

}

"d-don't...please..." He was collapsing into himself so rapidly that it was like he was being suctioned into negative space or something. I just waited because honestly I hadn't expected to make it this far and I had no idea what to do.

It didn't seem like the right time yet though, so I just watched him wither with a strange fascination that was not particularly sadistic so much as curious.

{

The next time I saw you we fucked in the boy's locker-room.

I don't know exactly how we ended up like that but I think it was something in the way you half smiled at me in the hallway and then our arms touched and I offered to help you forget.

Your bones cast jagged shadows on your translucent body like you had fragments of night lodged in your skin. And you had bruises, so many bruises everywhere but neither of us said anything because we knew it was all the death inside you seeping out.

}

The trigger throbbed under my fingers but my nerves were numb and my blood ran thick and congealed. Moldy clots were beginning to form over my vision and I couldn't die here, no.

{

I lifted you onto the ledge with the sinks, condensation blossoming on the mirror whenever your scalding body arched against it. You were breathing all fragile and shallow like you had butterfly wings where your lungs should be and I'll admit part of me wanted to fuck you so hard your organs ruptured, pin you down as you shrieked, shrieked until you chocked on your own blood and your eyes got purple. Instead I just sucked on your neck because your sweat tasted like cheap vodka.

}

"we...we're impulses. skin cells. fucking...fucking just impulses of energy-" I rambled, feeling for some reason like I owed him an explanation.

really I wanted- needed-to justify why this felt so right, why I could breathe because before I could never breathe.

{

It was weird while I was fucking you cause each time I entered you I saw your skeleton like you were being electrocuted by my dick or something. Maybe it was just how you looked like an alien in the iridescent light, but I swear I could see your veins and your lungs all charred and withered like someone set them on fire.

you were still fucking beautiful though.

}

I tripped alone in the park that day and at one point I found a dead bird. It's face kept morphing into yours and there were flies in your eye sockets, their eggs in your teeth and those swollen lips pale like summer with decay..

I think I talked to it for like an hour and half or like three quarters of an infinity or five minutes or something.

{

His entire head caved in, popped like a balloon and one of his eyes rolled across the floor, Blood and other matter splattered on the wall but I couldn't help thinking how fake it looked, like I was in a bad action movie or something. It was disappointing to say at the least, so anti-climatic that I kinda felt like throwing up.

}

Our hips were slick with blood and it was smeared on the floor but I didn't really care and I think you liked it. Your blood was was soft and satiny like angel blood and I remember feeling like I wouldn't mind being covered in it forever.

{

People must've heard the gun shot cause they were running around all chaotic like locusts. I fired randomly, taking down a few and growing frantic. Where was my redemption? Already I was bored. At this point I didn't really know what to do and I figured maybe I hadda like a shoot a specific person to feel it so I just kept shooting and flailing, mouth so dry I thought it would cave in. I just wanted to go home and fall asleep.

}

"I love you" I held you real tight against the lockers because I felt like I didn't your limbs would fall off and your organs spill out. It was stupid thing to say, and an even stupider thing to feel but fuck it who even cares anymore.

those words unraveled in the buzz of the transcendent lights until I wasn't sure I had said them at all.

{

"Do it"

You were sitting on a bench in the locker room like I knew you would be, fresh bruises, new cracks and missing chinks in your porcelain skin. Eyes sunken further, face faded like an old photograph, causally eating the skin off your lip.

I knew how much you needed this. You knew how much I needed this.

"why?" _why couldn't I pull the fucking trigger?_

"you know why. I'm pain."

"you can get medication for that. I got some in my bag if you want it"

"my thoughts hurt"

"I got shit that'll numb you right up"

"drugs are boring"

Then you kinda half smiled at me in that awkward, innocent way and I smiled back.

I don't remember pulling the trigger, only that at one point your face morphed into a dead bird's, your eyes rotting out and insects caked between your feathers.


End file.
